Frustration

This entire enlistment process is so frustrating! I am not going to MEPS in the morning, because of some paperwork details. My trip is postponed indefinitely. I'm so mad! I just want to get started already. Fuck! Why are you people trying to hold me back from starting my new life already? Dammit! I know its not my recruiters fault (even though he can be kind of flaky sometimes), but its frustrating all the same. Also I learned today that I hate signing my middle name to documents. I have to sign everything with my first, middle and last name. Suddenly my signature, which I spent 28 years perfecting, is ugly and awkward. I hate seeing it. My middle name looks so grotesque next to my last name. It's unnatural. But that's just the trivial stuff I'm trying to focus on so I don't get too upset about the canceled trip just yet. I'm getting so nervous, like I'm not going to get in or whatever. How terrible would it be if I didn't get to enlist because of some silly thing that happened a million years ago. It was practically another lifetime. And after I've told everyone that I'm going and convinced everyone that this is the right thing for me. How terrible. I'm so frustrated right now that I want to cry. I just want to be IN already! I want to sign my contract. I want to be in boot camp being yelled at already. I haven't wanted anything this bad in such a long time, and it feels good to want again.